Here we go again: It’s Steam Sale time! As usually, Valves distributional platform Steam is trying to bait us by presenting thousands of thousands of bargains. Throughout the next days you will find blockbuster and indie games, their price reduced by up to 90%. The new Metal Gear? 30% cheaper. Far Cry Primal? Reduced by 35%. Just Cause 3? Just 25 Euro. There’s something for everyone, really. You can even buy Steam Hardware for an extraordinary price this time: Valve provides a tidy discount of 30% if you decide to buy their Steam Link or the Steam Controller. Multiple bundles, each containing a Steam Controller and a game, are even cheaper.
But Steam Sale does not equal pure happiness for every gamer. The last sale dates back just a few months and, if you’re honest with yourself, you didn’t even play all the games you bought back then. Not to speak of the 200 other titles labelled with 0 minutes of play time in your Steam library. But the discounts are so very tempting, how are you supposed to resist?
We’ll show you 10 easy pieces of advice that will help you survive this Steam Sale without buying a single game. Your wherefores will remain your secret: Whether it’s a lack of time, zest or money, we promise that you’ll not betray yourself if you stick tenaciously to our Top 10. Remember: The 4th of July, the day of American indepence, is your day of freedom, because it’s the day when Steam Sale finally ends. You should already anticipate the feeling of happiness that you will get when on this very day you can say to yourself: ‘I managed to do this!’.
10 tips for not buying anything this Steam Sale
1. Leave your computer for the next week! July is waiting for you, the sun is shining and it’s the perfect time to go to the ice cream shop or lazily lie on the beach. You don’t want to stop gaming? Dig up your old Gameboy Color from your junk room. On this elderly companion of yours you won’t have to face the countless discounted games. Also, your Tamagotchi might need some care!
2. Stop working! If you don’t work, you don’t earn money. If you don’t earn money, you can’t buy games. Well, this tip might not help you with the currently active Steam Sale, but in the long run it will be very effective. Good luck!
3. Catch up on some sleep and snore all trough the next week up until July 4th! Why not just stay in bed for some days? When you get up one day after Steam Sale has ended, you will not only be feeling so very refreshed by the beneficial sleep, but also have enough energy to use the following nights to catch up on all the games you never played. Killing two birds with one stone.
4. Take a look at the sale! Stop looking at just the percentages, but rather inspect the games behind them. You’ll quickly notice: You don’t even need to buy any of those. Malicious gossip has it that every Steam Sale is the same – only with another background image. You probably own most of those games already!
5. Lock yourself out of Steam! Activate the Steam Mobile Authenticator. It’s really easy: In the Steam browser you click on “Steam” on the top left and select “Settings”. Then you choose “Manage Steam Guard Account Security” and follow the steps to activate the “Authenticator”. Afterwards, log out of Steam and uninstall the application from your PC. Take a hike to the closest ocean or lake and bury your mobile phone in the raging waves. Alternatively, you can drop it into your toilet. Now you don’t have access to Steam anymore, which means that you won’t be able to make any purchases!
6. Start doubting your decision. Maybe you could actually make use of this one game that’s only 5 dollars right now? Somewhen? You really do not want to regret not having bought it. Continue becoming more and more desperate with every minute. To buy? Not to buy? Ponder whether death is your only opportunity to escape the Steam Sale.
7. At 3 o’clock in the night, realize that every effort is in vain. Stuff your Steam basket with reduced games.
8. Proceed to checkout. Pay the horrendous sum with which you could have easily paid rent for the next three months.
9. You complemented your Steam library by 50 games. In your whole lifetime, you are not going to install a single one of them ever. Feel good for two minutes.
10. Now proceed to feel bad for the next few months – until the next Steam Sale starts.